Helicopter Parents in the Classroom

Dear Erica,

I am at my wit’s end!

I am a teacher and have always seen my job in the classroom as a leader. I have the responsibilities of managing a group of people and bringing them together around ideas, and I also have vision of where I want to take them to, as a class and also as individuals. I take my work very seriously and have been teaching for over fifteen years. In those years, I have seen a lot of changes in education. The biggest for me is how vocal parents are today in questioning teachers’ expertise and knowledge, something I would never have done when my children were young. I believe that we are all partners in the growth of a child but that we each play different and complementary roles.

A number of parents I deal with regularly are rude and aggressive. I wonder where civility is, and I also don’t know how long I can last in this job. I feel like I am being quickly moved from my position as leader to one as a follower, where my competency is questioned too much of the time.

Civil in Silver Spring


Dear Civil,

I feel your pain.

Leaders should always have their competencies questioned. Too much blind acceptance can lead us down a miserable leadership path. But there’s another issue at heart here. It has to do with language, boundaries and respect. Civility is foundational in communities of caring and learning. Without basic respect that is expressed in the use of civil language, the classroom ceases to be a safe place. While classrooms must be safe spaces for children (and their parents), they also have to be safe spaces for teachers. When we fail to make them places where relationships are primary, then we can’t wonder why talented people leave the field. We’re reading about this more and more in the papers. Helicopter parents need to fly elsewhere sometimes so that their children can stand up on their own two feet, as we had to. The moment teachers cease to be leaders, they also cease to be teachers in the truest sense.